I’m not happy today, but I’m not completely sad either. Today marks the fourth day in my new journey. I’m taking the drug Lithium for the first time and it’s working. I suffer from a disorder called Bipolar. It’s prevented to from getting jobs, making and keeping friends, and ultimately made me suicidal. I didn’t choose to be this way. But I am stuck with it and do my best to live with it.
For the first time in my life my mind is quiet, my thoughts under control. But it almost feels too quiet. I find myself pacing, listening to music and wishing I once again would able to teleport to my imaginary lands. Lands I had built over the years to protect me. That I could walk amongst the stars and travel between the rings of Saturn. But it doesn’t work anymore, and I’ve found myself wondering why I ever wanted to be normal.
So I guess it’s time for me to say goodbye to my chaotic mind. Maybe we’ll meet again some day, maybe we won’t. Until then however, here I am lonely, but here I am alive.