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  • Brianna O'Keefe

Moods that ebb and flow,

A constant soundtrack in my head I know,

Thoughts that whirl and worry,

So exhausting in a hurry.

Sadness and joy, both come to stay,

I'm suicidal one moment then feel great the next day.

It's a tumultuous ride, this life I lead,

The best and worst thing that's ever happened to me.

I learn, I grow, while in a daze of mania,

A state that's hard to explain but carries such power and euphoria.

It's something I can't ignore or forget,

Something that keeps me up late at night with my thoughts so set.

Though it's not easy or simple, this life of mine,

I'm grateful for its gifts and the lessons I find.

And though nothing feels quite like home,

It's here in this place where I'll never feel alone.

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  • Brianna O'Keefe

From a distance I see the world with a different eye,

No one can comprehend the way I think or why.

People stare, point and laugh, my words they misconstrue,

I'm like a lonesome alien, so different, so few.

It's a sad sight to behold, the world from the shadows I see,

But in its own way it's beautiful, this strange life to me.

The sun, the stars, the moon, the night,

The beauty of it all still gives me fright.

Though I'm an outsider, I don't feel alone,

For I'm the observer, looking in from my home.

I can't imagine living life in a different way,

Though sometimes it's hard living in the shadows day after day.

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  • Brianna O'Keefe

I’m not happy today, but I’m not completely sad either. Today marks the fourth day in my new journey. I’m taking the drug Lithium for the first time and it’s working. I suffer from a disorder called Bipolar. It’s prevented to from getting jobs, making and keeping friends, and ultimately made me suicidal. I didn’t choose to be this way. But I am stuck with it and do my best to live with it.

For the first time in my life my mind is quiet, my thoughts under control. But it almost feels too quiet. I find myself pacing, listening to music and wishing I once again would able to teleport to my imaginary lands. Lands I had built over the years to protect me. That I could walk amongst the stars and travel between the rings of Saturn. But it doesn’t work anymore, and I’ve found myself wondering why I ever wanted to be normal.

So I guess it’s time for me to say goodbye to my chaotic mind. Maybe we’ll meet again some day, maybe we won’t. Until then however, here I am lonely, but here I am alive.

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