Defeated

Sometimes, I feel crushed and I know from living with Bipolar that this is something I'm bound to feel every once in a while if not constantly. I just really wish I didn't feel this way, that this feeling would go away. Every so often I'll have a week where I'm totally down and I can't get myself to do much of anything. On top of that I get so upset that I'm not working that I get stressed out which compounds the preexisting feeling. I guess that kinda sprouts from my desperate need to not let you guys down.

But that's just it. Sometimes I'm the exact opposite. I'm so happy that I feel as light as air, I feel motivated, inspired, driven. I feel as if I could climb the tallest mountains, solve the hardest puzzles and really its times like this that were vital to my companies success. This motivation, I wish I could hold on to it all the time. To escape this rollercoaster of fear and triumph. The highest highs and the lowest lows. My thoughts can get so out of control that I can't escape them, but, I should remember that no matter how hard life gets I will always be far from being defeated;